Me, Myself, and I

Today I interrupt your usual broadcast of LOTR Challenge stuff, to inform you of many unwanted and insignificant things about my life. Actually, I will mostly just ramble on about things that don't really have anything to do with my life. And babble about non important, disconnected things that are enchanting and amusing in their randomness, but also very annoying. Like I am doing right now, see? This whole last paragraph, nothing to do with anything, and yet you read it. Why? Why did you read it? That is the part I don't understand. Why did you read it in the first place? More importantly, why are you STILL reading?

I know.
You have this hope inside you that I will eventually say something interesting or worth hearing. You hope that there is a point, which I will eventually get to. Well, you are probably right. I usually do have a purpose. I know I had one when I started this post. The thing is, I have forgotten what it was.

Having heard that, here you are, still reading. I just don't understand. Are you still hoping that I will remember? Are you reading this because you know me, therefore feel obligated to read my stuff? I won't know if you don't, and I won't care. So don't worry about it. 

Or maybe you actually find this to be interesting, in all its uninteresting-ness. I don't know why you would, but maybe you do. Or maybe you have kind of zoned out, and just keep on reading because that is what your brain is trained to do. Keep reading until you tell it to stop. I understand, I do that too. But why are you doing it right now? Tell it to stop. Take a moment...

Seriously!? You are still reading. At this point, its almost certain that one of us is insane, or both. Why am I still writing? Why are you still reading? No one knows. Personally, I find this whole post so far to be amusing. And maybe you do too. Maybe that is why you haven't closed the window yet. 

Are you sitting there thinking, she is so cute, the way she rambles on?? No you aren't. But if you were, I would hate you. But I don't, so you aren't. Or maybe I just wouldn't know if you were so I wouldn't because I didn't know you weren't. Most of the time, when I write sentences like that last one, they ultimately make sense, but honestly, I have no idea what that last one meant. 

I have written a whole page already. And I have said ABSOLUTELY NOTHING worth reading. Half of you, if not all, have left already. Mostly, I don't really have anything to say, but I just wrote this for fun. And you really didn't have to read it. And yet, I KNOW YOU DID, which is SO weird. 

Pendant is coming along slowly. Very very very slowly. Because, you see, if  my brain was actually working properly right now, I would be writing about Reniseb, not conducting an experience to see how long you will sit here and read pointless words. Did I mention that I delayed the Desolation of Smaug review?? That is because I am a terrible terrible person.
And I did that to you. 
Because I could.
Also because it wasn't done.

I thought I could let it go out unfinished on the 30th...but I couldn't. I was wrong. Oops. So sorry if that ruined your day...actually, I don't really care. 

Why are you still reading? Give me ONE GOOD REASON why you are still here. Think about it. There is no reason. Maybe you just keep reading because you want to see what I will say next. But I never say anything new. I just keep on going the same way I stared. And yet you still read on and on and on.

Surely you are getting bored by now? How could you not be? I am getting bored just writing this. Mostly because I am hungry and I want to go eat. And yet a stubborn part of me wants to keep writing and writing until you stop reading, and I win. Eventually, the pig will win over the mule, and I will go shove some food into my stomach. Its going to be wonderful. Mule is still on top though. I hate that mule.

Still here.
Yup.

What an exciting post this turned out to be. In my defense, I honestly had something worth saying when I clicked "New Post" I just forgot it the instant I saw the blank page waiting for me to type. I drew a total blank. Pun most certainly intended. I have this friend who, like me, is very good at coming up with horrible horrible puns. They are all recorded in a nonexistent book. I have made many many horrible puns. My most recent being this one:
Draw a stick figure, draw four lines through him. And he has been drawn and quartered. 
Its hilarious isn't it? That little bit in italics was sarcasm by the way. 

But you knew that. Didn't you? Please say you knew.

Sometimes I think of things so stupid or funny that I get a big smile on my face, but I never say them out loud, so no one knows why I am giving them a creepy smile. See, when the thing I am smiling about is in my mind, my eyes become blank and that is why the smile is creepy. Because even if my eyes are right on you, its very easy to tell that I can't see you. 

Have you ever tried to open your eyes as wide as you could, without raising your eyebrows?? It makes for a very creepy face. Mix that with the blank eyes and the smile, and the world avoids you forever. But that's okay if you avoid the world too.

If you want the world to pay attention to you, then you are out of luck. All of my tips revolve around getting back into the safety of your own room with tea and a book. I am also really good at sitting in corners and being invisible. I am not sure if I am really invisible, or just super uninviting, but either way no one bothers me. 

I also like to watch people. I don't like people. I don't like mingling with them. I don't like talking to them. But I love to watch them. I sit in my comfortable corner, and I watch everyone. Its very enlightening. 

Do you have any idea how long you just spent reading this?? And guess what, there really is no 'point' no punchline. Nothing. Now that I have dragged you all the way down here. I am now going to stop writing and go eat. The pig beat the mule. YAY!

Goodbye. 

Goodnight.
Sleep tight.
Don't let a duck come into your room at night
and kill you.

Ducks are very dangerous. 
They really are. 
 Roosters and Geese are creepy too.
And cats are evil. 
I don't like cats.
At.
All.

Toodlepip as the British have never said in my hearing.




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3 comments:

  1. I have a very good reason to read your post! I kept reading because there were still words on the page, and if there are words on the the page, then you must have had something to say:) I found the whole post very amusing. Especially the part about the creapy face. Can't wait to hear more!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am rather shocked at myself for having neglected to reply for two full years. My apologies. Thank you for commenting, and I am glad you liked the post.

      Delete
  2. Cats are not evil. They are misunderstood.

    ReplyDelete

I should be most pleased if you would leave a comment. I do so love reading them and hearing what you think.
(all of it, I want to know everything you think about....wait no, that's creepy)