I Don't Know How To Write a Review

I have a problem. I haven't the slightest clue how to review a book. Or a movie. Or anything. To clarify, I can't write positive reviews. 
I haven't reviewed my favourite book. Technically. I made a blog about it. (http://theredbooknews.blogspot.com/)
And I sort of reviewed the hobbit movies, but I really just complained  and ranted. 
But I cannot write a concise and helpful review. I either have too much to say, or nothing to say. And then there are some books where to give anyone my actual opinions would feel like hitting a child. Where you look a picture of the author and say 'bless their heart, this book was nauseating". It would simply be too cruel to mention all of it's flaws, and grasp at the random specks of okayness. You don't feel annoyed with the writer, you just feel kind of bad. 
I am limited to yeh, meh, or neh. Yeh being "I liked it", meh meaning "not great/not particularly bad", and neh meaning "I didn't like it". Keep in mind that I am way more critical of books than I am of movies, so a book that is a 'yeh' is much better than a movie 'yeh'. Now you know the strange language of I don't know what. 

So here are some of the things that I actually WANTED to review ( I sort of keep a list).   

Cheaper by the Dozen by Frank Gilbreth: yeh
The Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan: NEH 
Divergent by Veronica Roth: Neh
Hunger Games Series by Suzanne Collins: Neh 
The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale: yeh
Inkspell by Cornelia Funke: meh
Dracula by Bram Stoker: yeh
Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo: yeh
Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: neh
The Grisha Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo: meh
Till We Have Faces by CS Lewis: all the yesses 
Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis: more yesses 
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'engle: yeh
A Wind in the Door by Madeleine L'engle: yeh
A Swiftly Tilting Planet by Madeleine L'engle: yeh
Many Waters by Madeleine L'engle: neh
An Acceptable Time by Madeleine L'engle: meh
Tales From the Perilous Realm by JRR Tolkien: so many yesses 
Father Christmas Letters by JRR Tolkien: a labour of love resulting in so much cuteness
Snow White & Rose Red (or The Shadow of the Bear) by Regina Doman: yeh
Black as Night by Regina Doman: yeh
Waking Rose by Regina Doman: meh
Midnight Dancers by Regina Doman: neh
The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater: neh
A Wounded Name by Dot Hutchison: neh
The Thief by Megan Whalen Turner: yeh
The Queen of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner: yeh
The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner: yeh
A Conspiracy of Kings by Megan Whalen Turner: meh
A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M Miller: meh (it was good, but I sort of figured out everything that was going to happen before I read it, and was consequently bored)
The Tree by Denise Mallett: neh
The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Emma Orczy: yeh
Redwall by Brian Jacques: yeh
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky: yeh

Jurassic World: meh (It would be a neh without Chris Pratt)
The Force Awakens: meh
Rogue One: yeh 
La La Land: neh 
Arrival: meh
Hidden Figures: Yeh
Captain America: Civil War: neh
The Jungle Book: meh
Batman V Superman: meh/neh
Star Trek, Beyond: neh
X-Men: Apocalypse: neh
Eye In The Sky: yeh
Queen of Katwe: yeh
Avengers: Age of Ultron: meh
Avengers: yeh
Creed: neh
Spectre: meh
Joy: neh
Brooklyn: meh
The Man From U.N.C.L.E: yeh
Ant-man: neh
Mr. Holmes: neh
Sherlock Season 1: yeh
Sherlock Season 2: meh
Sherlock Season 3: meh (Except for Episode 3 which was a yeh)
Guardians of the Galaxy: yeh

Let us hope I will write ACTUAL reviews of things in 2017. That can be a New Years Resolution um, it's February, to write real reviews of things.
 photo theauthor_zps8356b86b.png

Come chat about The Silmarillion with me: 



  1. Wow, that's a lot of titles built up there! I'm no master, but I like to try and start each review with an unbiased summary, very brief, and then discuss characters and events individually. I hope that helps.

    1. Ooh, I just need to add "writing" in for books and that sounds loverly. I shall keep it in mind when (hopefully) writing reviews of stuff I read/watch this year. Danke Schön